This is NOT a photo of Blixa BelGrande!
–WARNING: Adult Content–
“Death in the Medicine Cabinet” by Blixa BelGrande
(Inside Kenny’s medicine cabinet, Prozac and Viagra stand side by side. Prozac smiling, Viagra standing stiff and erect.)
Ah, Viagra! Be of good cheer today!
The sun is shining
And Kenny might get laid.
He’s been working on his timing.
My dear Prozac, I hope to God he does get laid–
At last I can be of good use!
Of this matter I’ve often prayed,
Sometimes he can be so obtuse!
He wants a stiff one on demand,
Yet takes me hours before,
Prescription directions be damned!
And then at me he gets sore.
Shhhhhh. Kenny approaches.
(Kenny enters room, opens medicine cabinet and shakes out two Viagra, speaks in thick Cockney accent.)
A bloody hour ’til she comes,
So I’ll take a Viagra now, maybe two,
This thing’ll be throbbin’ like a drum–
I’ll screw ‘er til she turns blue.
(Kenny shuts cabinet door and swallows Viagra.)
And bloody well HE will turn blue!
He’s gone and taken two of me in order to screw!
Fool! Imbecile! Idiot! Wanker! Knave!
Sure he’ll be hard and stiff– in the grave!
(Kenny enters room.)
Shhhhhh. He’s back.
Kenny opens cabinet and shakes out another Viagra.)
Bloody hell, what’s one more?
I’ll show ‘er who’s boss
She don’t know what’s in store.
I’ll drown ‘er in me love sauce.
(Laughs and shuts cabinet door, swallows Viagra.)
Oh, look at the bright side–
His timing’s improved.
Who cares that he won’t be alive
To get screwed?
Oh shut up Prozac, don’t you see?
We won’t be refilled,
Not you or me!
Surely on that score
You cannot be thrilled.